no

I give up. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say. It didn't help. I feel just like the characters in the stories I write. Just a loser that nobody cares about in the background, running from people and trying his very best - but nobody sees it, everybody thinks he's evil or bad, or hateful. I'll keep running, just like them... now I know why all my stories are almost the same, maybe I was personifying that main character, I was writing something that reflected how I felt. I am a bad writer. There was always... someone in the story that was a perfect person, and that the main character would be watching him getting everything they wanted, but yet, did not feel a shred of jealousy... just a happiness, but still, he felt pain. I think that was how I felt. Maybe I will smile and continue on... knowing that I am inferior to every other girl. But I will still be there, of course, being the 'entertainment' of every single person on my friends' list. There are no true friends in this world. After all I have been through, that was what I concluded. If you think I am wrong, I am all fine. I just don't think humans are that kind. If I were kind, I was afraid of consequences. When I see a donation drive going on, I've always wanted to go forward and put in a coin. After years, I will go forward with the same feeling, wanting to donate and help, but then I will stop, because of what the adults had taught me.

Now, when I make friends, I doubt them. I used to put them as my no. 1, and everything they asked of me, I will do my very best for them, because I loved them with all my heart. I thought they did too. But then... why did my friendships all become like that? It always ended badly. Maybe it was because of me.

I'm sorry, guys. I know a lot of people who despise me. Sometimes I don't even know the reason. Like, since when did this start? Which part of me do you not like? I wanted to know very badly, but I never say it out.

I am sorry, now everyone knows I am someone like that, it was something heartfelt that I always wanted to say. Even online, my 'other-half' is so loved! And then even though it was me, it was actually 'me'. The friends I made there were always there... but I was always thinking, but that wasn't me... that isn't who I am